Hard Lines!
A thousand million years before a billion years ago,
When the world was quite a little thing in a pinafore and bow,
The sun was just a flapper, and the moon could scarcely crawl,
There wasn't any Xmas fare or Xmas fun at all.
Mince pies lay waiting to be born, plum puddings hadn't stin'ed,
No chestnuts stuffed the turkey's chest; there wasn't such a bird,
The Xmas card was yet to be; the cake was years away,
And the future held the present which costs so much to-day.
There were no tradesmen to be paid, no letters to be sent,
No rates, no income tax, no bills, no Bolsheviks, no rent;
And the pity, oh, the pity of it all was simply this -
There wasn't any worried cuss to welter in the bliss!